After a Reiki healing session I had a client say, “You listened and that’s the hardest part.” We were talking about how I recently quit my financially secure teaching position to pursue my dream of Reiki as a full time career. Her words echo now, “You listened and that’s the hardest part!” Is it? Is listening to our guidance the hardest part?
I used to think it was hard. That’s when I’d ignore my wants dismissing them as unnecessary, thus denying myself pleasure and the full beauty of life’s sensate experience. I used to let other’s beliefs about reality shape my perception and decision making. Of course I had no idea I was doing this, it was just how I was pre-programmed. I thought other people were just lucky to have enjoyable lives. I didn’t know I was imbalanced, as it didn’t come out in extreme behavior. I was just overworked and under-joyed. Sounds like the American plight right? Reiki has helped me understand how to live a more balanced and harmonious life. Reiki assisted in deprogramming old habits and subconscious energies of my shadow self by bringing them to the light.
I recently read in Eastern Body Western Mind: Psychology and the Chakra System as a Path to the Self “Healthy pleasures bring satisfaction; addictive pleasure brings a craving for more.” Having parents who battled alcoholism, I was raised around addictive pleasures. My parents would work hard; then they’d play hard. I’ve heard that most children of alcoholics end up marrying alcoholics. I picked a partner who liked to work hard and play hard too, much like I behaved. After time, I knew this was not a relationship for my highest good. So for awhile I worked on me. I waited. I prayed. I tried. And then I ultimately knew. The relationship had run its course and I could choose to stay on the journey repeating the waters of my childhood, or I could go into un-navigated sea. I chose the latter. I chose me. And I embraced the ocean of my soul.
I knew I was supposed to leave, yet all the “reasons to stay” were there. We had two kids, a house, and ten years together. It was even harder to listen to my guidance because this decision was not mutual. The process was akin to the metaphor above: un-navigated sea that became choppy, scary and at times felt like I was about to drown. Yet I set my sail and rode onward! I rode on when my mind tried to make me lie to myself. I rode on when my mind came up with every justification to stay. I rode on when the guilt poured overboard. I rode on when the wind whispered doubt. I rode on despite the barnacle of attitude from distant shores. I rode on…
A helpful girlfriend said,” Rhiana don’t tell God how big your storm is. Tell the storm how big your God is.” Her encouraging words and the power of Reiki kept me afloat. Reiki helped me dial into myself, so I could LISTEN. Listen to what? ME—my GPS! The energy of Reiki guided and grounded me during this confusing time. Reiki became a tool to tap into my authentic self. The path of my spirit: not the encumbered identity of my ego that was ensnared in a façade of everyone else’s vested interest.
One day in the midst of this break up I was buying mulch. Normally this would’ve been an activity the two of us would’ve done together, so I was especially sad. I was standing at my trunk staring into my cart, eyeballing the heavy load. It began to taunt me. I looked up at the white sun and said, “God, How am I supposed to do this alone?” An anchor of worry whacked my heart. I felt helpless, insecure, and afraid. Then I heard, “Miss Can I help you with that?”
In that moment I learned to trust. I wasn’t sure how anything was going to look. I realize now I’m better off riding the waves as they come and to be okay with uncertainty, change and ambiguity. The signs and direction will come if I just stay on course listening to the whispers of my heart. I’m so glad I overcame these fears and moved onward. This experience has given me the fortitude to trust the process of life, so long as I listen to myself and take guided action. I literally quit the relationship, sold my house, moved to a new town, and the last biggy quit my stable career to pursue my passion of teaching Reiki and providing healing sessions.
I’m no longer afraid, I am excited! I give thanks for my resilience, temperance, patience, and strength. I give thanks for the growth during these times. It makes me stronger, happier, and feeling blessed. I don’t think “Listening is the hardest part.” It’s the only part. Right now listening is my full time job. Cultivating the ability to listen, is another story altogether. Taking guided action is the next step, but once begun half done! I’m grateful Reiki helped me listen during this hard time. It helped soothe my anxiety, stress, and hurtful feelings. Reiki moved me to peaceful waters that nurture the integrity and truth of my spirit! Listening created this article as it said, sit and write. I never know what ‘exactly’ I will create, but I trust the process. And as much as I was afraid to write the “scary stuff” I’m doing it anyway!